“The greatest changes stem from the darkest experiences. We fall apart to become new. We go through the dark to fly to the sun” Matt Haig
Haig has such an eloquence for explaining the gritty, painful experience that is personal change. When we are contented and all seems well with the world, change is not really on the agenda. Sure, it is still happening, slowly and gradually. However, significant change does not come from homeostasis.
It is when something has disrupted our former way of being that deeper change becomes inevitable. When all bets are off, and we simply do not know what it is that is happening, or why, then significant shifts are afoot.
Entering into a process of inner reflection and contemplation of ourselves and our interactions with the world can be a very beneficial aid to the change process. Moving past the shock and horror of whatever has occurred, and moving on from the temptation to blame circumstance or other people, we can take a good look at our own patterns and assumptions, and begin to unpick how it is we experience things as we do. What is it you notice, and do not notice? How is it you interpret and frame experience? What are the familiar feelings and relational patterns?
When we can honestly seek for new information, we can begin to experiment with the possibility of difference. When we hold the past more lightly, and are open to the present and future being different, change begins to happen all on its own.
Sometimes these changes creep up on us, and the impact on our day to day way of being is not immediately apparent. You may notice differences in your relationships, or your feelings or thoughts, or you may notice yourself doing different things, or the same things differently. The most enduring change is not that which we force on ourselves, it is that which comes as a result of our being with what is happening openly and humbly.
If you would like to explore the darkness that you are living through to find your own new ways to fly, then get in touch to discuss how psychotherapy individually or as a couple might help you.
