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  • Fe Robinson

Learning from yourself in relationship

We come to know ourselves through our interactions with other people. It’s a bit like others hold up a mirror to us, we see ourselves reflected in them, sometimes noticing the things that are the same, and sometimes noticing things that are different. Those differences may be benign, just differences. Sometimes though, we may be hurt or wounded by what people do or say. Their actions and our reaction or response lets us know something about our personal values.

When we feel hurt, angry or disappointed with someone else, rather than projecting those feelings outwards, it can be useful to look within and discover what it is about what happened that has touched us. What is important to you that has been transgressed?

You can learn much from your reactions and responses. Did you attack? Defend? Defer? Avoid? Were you open about your feelings? Did you listen and explore what was happening for the other? Did you agree boundaries?

When a relationship ruptures, reflection about what you now want to have happen can be useful. If you notice repeated ruptures with similar characteristics, then psychotherapy may help you work them through and become more at choice.


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