When to access couples therapy

As a couples therapist I have a responsibility to make sure that my couples clients get the best value possible from the investment they make in #couplescounselling. So what makes couples therapy effective?

Couples therapy works really well when a couple have a common goal. Clients may want to feel intimate and connected, or to communicate well, or to navigate a change of circumstances together. Others may want to put a relationship problem in the past and find a way forward together, overcoming trust issues for example. Others may want to shift the dynamic in their relationship, finding a new groove after being stuck in a rut, or together finding a way to thrive in new circumstances like having children or a location move.

Couples therapy does not work so well if the goals of the two people in the relationship are very different. This can be explored and common ground can sometimes be established, but without it the therapy may focus more on helping people end well rather than to thrive together.

Another component of successful couples work is the willingness of both parties to both take some responsibility for their own behaviour. and to experiment with new ways of being. If you think everything is the other person’s fault and are not open to personal change for yourselves, little is likely to be achieved. 

Another challenge for couples counselling is when a couple come when they are already deeply into crisis. It’s most helpful to come when problems are emerging and embedding, way before they are entrenched, or you have emotionally checked out already.  Sometimes one of the couple will use couples therapy as a platform to finally end the relationship they have already decided to leave, but thankfully this does not happen too often.

Couples therapy generally moves at a pace. With three people in the room there is a lot more information available than when a client comes as an individual. More is revealed more quickly, and there is a continual integrity check, when you tell a half truth or minimise you are likely to get called out!

I love couples work. It is dynamic, deep, and  often transformative. It can be poignant and moving, and most often much is learned, usually by me as well as by my clients.

You have to be in it to win it as they say. If you are willing to enter honestly into a dialogue with your partner to improve your relationship, then get in touch at fejrobinson@gmail.com to talk about sessions in person in Darlington or online couples for UK based couples.

#marraigeguidance #therapist