We all have habitual ways of behaving. They are comfortable and normal, and mostly they are not even on our radar, we just act and speak as we do. All good.
However, our habitual ways sometimes do not serve us, as is often the case for clients coming into psychotherapy, that is why they seek out support. We identify what they want to have happen, and get clarity about how this differs from what is happening now, so that we can explore how they are currently experiencing what they do, and how they can move towards what they want. So far, so good.
It’s when people begin to experiment and to make changes that life often gets interesting. As old patterns no longer seem to fit, we get less comfortable. As we try new things and find them clunky and unfamiliar, we get more uncomfortable. We may even reach a point where old ways are no longer available in the light of increased awareness, and new ways are not yet clear or visible. Blooming uncomfortable.
When this happens, the thing to do is keep going. Trust. Put one foot in front of the other, travelling in the direction that you want and need to go. All is well. All will be well. And yes, just how is not yet clear.
As we change, others react and respond. Sometimes this is supportive and encouraging. Sometimes it is an escalation of their patterns, seeking to get us to revert to where they were previously comfortable. An old boss of mine used to remark that when the corporate clients began expressing discomfort we were clearly hitting the mark, they were feeling the change. The same goes for personal relationships, as we change others move with, around, or past us. Relationships morph and adjust. New ones come in, some old ones are lost.
The point of change is that it is different. Gradual evolutions, sudden shifts…either way, we are manifestly not where we were, and the transition can be a touch bumpy. I like to reassure people that this just lets us know change is happening. If you’re in a process of change that feels uncomfortable, you hang in there. Keep your outcomes in mind, and crucially, treat yourself with kindness and compassion. You deserve it.
