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  • Fe Robinson

Reinvigorating your relationship

I was asked on social media recently to talk about how to overcome boredom in relationships. Here’s a blog extending the soundbites I had space there to offer.

Boredom comes from sameness and familiarity. An invigorating approach to relational boredom can be to adopt ‘beginner’s mind.’ Beginner’s mind means approaching each interaction and activity as if you have never done them before. I’m sure we’ve all been taken with the delight and curiosity of children at the simplest of things, it’s that same detailed noticing and lightness of heart that beginner’s mind brings.

Notice the sights, sounds, sensations and feelings that arise as you engage when you have a curious attitude. What do you notice that’s captivating about this moment? Just looking at your partner with an open, curious mind can bring deeper connection. Spending time in mutual gazing and looking as if you have never seen before can be potent, because you have literally not seen this, here before, each moment is unique, and each person in it will never be the same again.

I often hear people talking about feeling taken for granted, or like part of the furniture. This painful state comes when we stop wondering and focus on sameness, missing the small and subtle differences that can actually transform experience.

So at home today, be there like you have never been before. All of you, all in. I wonder what you will notice that you've not experienced before.


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