Every life experience you have had has brought you to now, shaping who and how you are. However wonderful or difficult, those experiences were all gifts, bringing learning from the past as well as a raft and range of emotions, sensations, thoughts and beliefs.
While most memories may be happy ones, it’s easy to have regrets about the ones that are not. It seems to me the most healing path is to look for what a tough situation offered, to see how it shaped you, and what you realised both from what you did not value or like, as well as what you did appreciate.
Here are a few reflection questions you might use with situations that you look back on with less than positive sentiment:
What glimmers of good were there in the midst of adversity? What tiny things you noticed, or people did, made a difference?
What reserves, skills and capabilities brought you through what happened? How have you used these since?
What values do you hold dear that made the situation a difficult one for you? What does this tell you about who you are and what matters to you?
What small steps were possible for you to take then that enabled you to move forwards? What good has happened since?
What do you know now that you did not know before? How will this knowledge and insight help you in the future?
Working in a solutions-focused way, we can consider the strengths and possibilities in what has happened, and use these to propel ourselves on. It’s not so helpful psychologically to label a situation as good or bad, it’s more useful to look at each for what we can take from it and to focus on how we apply that going forwards.
There is no such thing as perfect, not for people, or for life situations. All have shade and light, and all have complexity. For help in sitting with this truth and finding the thread of possibility in your story, get in touch at fejrobinson@gmail.com or on 01325 467042. You can find out more about me at https://www.ferobinsonpsychotherapy.co.uk/about.
