Therapy helps you to find the right ladder to climb out of a hole

My supervisor many moons ago pointed out to me that the client we were discussing was in a hole, and that unfortunately I had climbed in with them, and we were now both stuck in the hole. Oh dear!

I was a trainee back then, and the learning was very valuable and much needed. In my keenness to empathise and relate I had become entranced with the client’s story, and had lost all perspective, and hence my usefulness.

The metaphor we explored in that supervision session was one of helping the client to select the right kind of ladder to climb out of their particular hole.  The emphasis was on client autonomy and choice, and of enabling and empowering them to help themself.  This simple belief in the capability of clients to work things out in the way that is right for them is essential for trust, and for the development of client confidence in themselves.

Holes, and ladders, come in all sorts of shapes and sizes.  It is not what I think fits that matters, and it is not my pain to alleviate.  My job is to be able to stand grounded in the intensity and pain of client’s experience and to help them access and build their own resourcefulness to move towards what it is they want to have happen.

I still smile when I feel myself descending momentarily into holes, or notice myself selecting ladders.  This vigilance for over-reaching is essential, self-reflection is much called for as a psychotherapist.

If you would like space and time to explore your way of being in the world, holes and ladders included, then get in touch at fejrobinson@gmail.com. Appointments are available in person in Darlington and online for UK-based clients. 

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