The importance of losing hope

Relationships are complex things. We are social beings and not well adapted to being alone, we need relationships in order to thrive. Yet for many people relating to others is fraught with difficulty and challenge. 

Sometimes this can lead to people finding themselves in relationships that are not meeting their human need for respect, kindness and decency. Unfortunately sometimes relationships can be uneven, with power held more by one partner than the other, and that power can be used as ‘power over’ rather than as ‘power with.’

One difficulty that may keep a person in such a relationship is that at some level it may have a familiarity, a comfort even. If we have been habitualised into putting others before ourselves, or over time convinced that we are not somehow worthy or important, then a power imbalance or poor behaviour from the other can seem OK, feel like what we expect or deserve, or seem better than the only perceived alternative of being alone. We may continue to hope that things will change come what may, and clinging to that hope can keep us engaged when if we accepted things as they actually are we might make different choices. It may be important to lose hope of difference in order to truly see where we are.

In such times it is important to stay connected to the people in your life that do treat you as every person deserves to be treated, that is, well. It’s also important to keep a strong sense of yourself, of what matters to you, of what interests you, and to take care not to give up parts of yourself in order to please or placate. A good relationship makes you a better, fuller version of yourself, you are free to be authentic within it.  It causes you to be a person you like and feel good about. In short, a good relationship helps you to thrive. 

If you are having difficulties in a relationship or relationships, then looking out for patterns is important. Has this happened before? Is this happening in any other relationships? What does this remind you of?

Finding those patterns and reflecting on how you can change the pattern of falling into them is crucial for personal and relational health.  For psychotherapeutic help to work this through, get in touch confidentially on 01325 790495 or by email at fejrobinson@gmail.com.

#relationships #psychotherapy #respect