It is a paradox of being human that while so, so much is common to us all, our experience of life is unique. There are no two people who have exactly the same perception or unconscious filters. Therefore, there are no two people who will experience the same event in quite the same way.
This is important to remember. How often do we tell people ‘I understand’? We might even believe that we really do understand what they mean. The difficulty is, the best we can do is to understand what we imagine they mean, constructing our own representation of their words and non-verbal communication based on our own previous experiences. At best we will have a rough approximation of what it is they intended to communicate in our bodymind.
As a therapist, my role is to have a deep understanding of archetypal human experiencing so that I can draw on models and insights to help clients make sense of their experiencing. My role is also to hold these archetypes very, very lightly, and to remember that ‘I don’t know yet.’ In all honesty, I won’t ever fully know, but I can make a continual commitment to helping my client to discover more, and to suspend my own filters as much as possible to pace and accompany them as they explore.
Clients so often want to know if their experience is valid, and look to therapists as well as other trusted people in their life to confirm or refute it. Experience is always valid, it is what it is. We each have our own boat on the sea. In therapy it can be useful to take a look at the ways information is being filtered, at what is noticed and not noticed, at what else is there to be experienced, to build perspective and create choice. How was the boat built? What about it is ideal? What about it would the client like to know more? What would the client like to update and evolve?
Travelling on the sea of human experiencing, we are all in this together. There is so much more that unites than divides. Understanding the way we navigate this with our own unique boat is a life’s work, a work that can be a delight and a pleasure.
To explore and deepen your own experiencing of what it means to be you, get in touch to talk about psychotherapy.
