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  • Fe Robinson

On boundaries...

Here’s a useful infographic about boundaries. It’s a word bandied about a lot, and it's good to look practically at what it actually means. In a healthy relationship there is equal room for both people. For you physically, for your thoughts, for your emotions, for your wants and needs…in all ways. We need boundaries to define our edges, maintaining us as whole beings in our own right, joyfully in relationship with another whole being.

A question I like to ask myself about a relationship is whether it is one that helps me to be more of myself, or one that causes me to be less of myself. If a relationship minimises key parts of you, or causes you to give up what really matters to you, or take up things that really don’t matter to you, then you may want to question how well you are managing boundaries. We won’t always align on everything, difference is good and brings energy. The important thing is that sense of equality and equity that means differences bring stimulation and interest, and do not deaden or dumb down.

Oftentimes, you may have good boundaries in one context, and poorer ones in another. Or great boundaries with one person, and with another not so good. Where this is the case it’s important to know you can transfer the skill you already have to the other situation. If it's a healthy relationship this will be well responded to and your rapport will deepen and your intimacy increase. If the response is not so good, well, that is important information too.

If you want to reflect on the relationships in your life, psychotherapy may be for you. If you feel I’d be a good fit for you, then do get in touch.


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