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  • Fe Robinson

Letting go of control

“Offer what you have to offer

Offer it with love

Let go of having it work”

I heard this lovely sentiment many, many years ago at an NLP Conference. It spoke to me deeply then, and it still does now. In a resonant way, I remember an old clinical supervisor advising me years ago that if I feel really drawn to a client, or want to pull away from a client, these are both feelings to get into and understand. They indicate I’m over-invested in one direction or the other, and neither serves my client, or me.

It’s sometimes a tricky thing to offer your best, and to let go of the outcome. And yet, not just as a psychotherapist, but as a family member, a friend and a colleague, it’s a sage sentiment. Being in healthy relationship means caring deeply, and also giving the other the space to own their own reality and meaning making, and their own actions. We simply can not live life for others, and if we try we risk building dependence and dysfunction. What we can healthily do is offer what we have to offer open handed, with no agenda or expectation. That, really, is what love is.


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