At a recent conference, Roger Soloman spoke eloquently about the work of grieving and how it can be assisted by EMDR psychotherapy.
He described the way that EMDR can allow memories of the loved one we have lost to emerge, and that those memories let us know and make space for the meaning of the relationship we had, honouring that person’s role in our life and identity. He suggests that processing our grief enables us to carry into the future the basic security of having loved and been loved. We can go forward in a world without our loved one because we have an adaptive inner representation of them to take with us.
Put another way, our relationship with the one we love moves from the physical, embodied relationship we had with them in our lived experience to a symbolic, inner relationship with them in our bodymind. They are still very much with us and a part of our world, but now that is an internal experience not an external one. Their importance does not diminish, we just relate to our and their love differently.
Grief has been all too present this last year, and it can be an intense, harrowing process. If you are struggling with the loss of those you love, do reach out for help.
