The most common thing couples say they want when they come into couples psychotherapy is to communicate better. This week I’m sharing a few simple tips to help with this.
One simple communication tool when you are sharing things that matter is to talk about what, so what, and now what:
What? What is happening for you right now in this moment?
So what? What are you making this mean? How is it significant for you?
Now what? What would you like to have happen? What are you prepared to do about it? What is your request of the other?
This simple format gives the opportunity to express what you feel and think, taking responsibility for your own experience. It also makes clear the meaning you are placing on it, which is important because things can have many meanings and there might be a rich conversation in exploring what is the same and different between the meanings the two of you have for what is arising. Lastly, it is solution focused, the now what part gives you the opportunity to explore what you want to have happen and how you can both bring this to life.
Taking turns to express your what, so what, now what can lead to deeper and broader dialogue, and can help you shift those things you tend to cycle around and around. If you give it a try let me know how it goes.
