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  • Fe Robinson

Gaze at your partner and deepen your relationship

One of the striking features of working therapeutically with couples is that they have often arrived in a place where they need counselling without any idea how they got there.

It is a common story to hear how day to day life, work, parenting, caring responsibilities and more have contributed to a life where partners feel like they are ships passing in the night.

When this happens, part of the work of therapy is helping a couple to reconnect. To really notice each other. To find appreciation of the small things. To give each other the quality of attention that copes naturally earlier on in a relationship.

Sometimes there may be much to be shared and said. And yet, there is a deeper need, a need to just be together, unconditionally, without agenda or judgement.

If this need is apparent in your relationship, you may want to invest a little time each day in gazing. It’s a simple idea, with powerful effects.

Either standing, or sitting opposite each other, the idea is to look into each other's eyes, and just gaze, holding the one you love in gentle attention. You need say or do nothing, or you may be moved to act on the connection that grows between you somehow, but the nub of the exercise is to look, to see, to savour each other.

5 minutes spent gazing each day can be a potent ingredient to changing the quality of the connection between you. Why not give it a try and see where it leads?


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