I'll feel better when...

There is a very human tendency to believe that if something could just change outside of ourselves we will feel better.

This is at one level true. When you are suffering with a cold you will feel better when it passes.  When sleep deprived, a good night's rest changes things.

However, there are ways in which it is not true that a change in our circumstances will transform our well-being.  How many times have you heard people say things like 'when I find a new job I will feel better' to later discover that the dis-satisfactions of their old job somehow seem to get replicated in different form in the nee place.

Why is this? We can change our job, house, friends, partner, leisure activities and much more, but none of these things will bring about sustained inner change.  The only route to that is self-reflection.

When you come to know yourself better, you can learn HOW it is that you do dissatisfaction rather than WHAT it is you are dissatisfied by.  You can discover how your inner experience is triggered, unfolds and resolves (or not), and from this you can begin to relate differently to what triggers you, and therefore to have a different experience of the things you would prefer not to have to deal with.

Is this a route to doing nothing about issues that need attention? No. Quite the reverse.  When you can own your patterns and part in what is unfolding, it puts you in a much clearer position to discern what it is that is good for you, for others and for the situation. You are less likely to continue repeating the same old patterns again and again, hankering after change after change that turn out not to deliver on your hopes.

Inner reflection can be challenging work.  If you would like support as your explore and discover, psychotherapy may be for you.  If so, then get in touch.