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  • Fe Robinson

You don't have to solve problems on your own

There can be many reasons that we tend to solve our own problems, and to do so on our own.

Perhaps life has turned out so far in a way that means you are living alone. Maybe the power of inter-dependence and shared problem solving wasn't the modus operandi in your source family. Perhaps life experiences have left you distrustful of other people and preferring to keep a distance.

Whatever the reason, sometimes we can default into a pattern of believing we don't have social needs, and that the only person we can rely upon is ourself. This can lead to a life of isolation, or of superficial connections that don't touch either us, or the people we connect with.

Exclusive self-reliance comes at a cost. There is an aloneness that does not reflect the natural wiring of a human being. We are born to connect, it is only through meaningful interaction that the human brain develops and grows through infancy and childhood. We need loving gazes, validation, reflection back of ourselves, and input from others from whom we can role model and learn.

I don't believe the benefits of intimacy end there. As adults we are changed when we are truly seen, and met. There is an energetic difference when we inhabit a place of connection with others, when we are open to touching them and being touched emotionally in return.

When we acknowledge that we do not, and perhaps can not, be fully self reliant, we can create space for others to move into and to enrich our lives. Leaning on another, and in turn providing support when they can benefit from it is an instinctive, innate experience that can remind us of our nature as social beings.

When you find yourself pulling only on your own resources, and hesitating to reach out to others, pause for thought. What does reaching out represent to you? How do you feel about being vulnerable? How easy is it to ask for help?

If these are uncomfortable questions, perhaps therapeutic support would help. A relationship where nothing is asked for or expected, and where you can explore yourself in relationship with another, the risks are low, and the potential gains high.

For therapeutic support, get in touch.


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