Do you wish your unpleasant feelings would leave you alone?
by Fe Robinson
Its natural to want to feel good. We tend to push away feelings that are painful or unpleasant - feelings like anger, shame, sadness, guilt and anxiety. We also tend to crave feelings that we enjoy, like happiness and excitement.
When you are stuck with painful feelings, it is easy to begin to blame yourself for them. If you have tried repeatedly to 'cheer up' and it is not working, you may even begin to feel guilty about how you feel, and that can make you feel even worse.
Feelings are messages from your unconscious mindbody system. You don't choose them, or will them into being, they come up because they are trying to communicate something. This means there is no need to feel guilt for the feelings that arise. They are not you, they are just what is passing through you and making itself felt right now.
It is not wise to avoid or disguise feelings, if you ignore them they are just likely to get louder and more prominent. What is needed is to find a way to be with your feelings to understand the information they are seeking to impart.
When we do this, gently turning towards what is there and allowing it to be expressed, then feelings lose their power. They can let themselves be noticed, and then dissapate and leave us be. Sometimes this takes time and repeated exposure to them, and so we need mechanisms that enable us to feel comfortable and safe to open up a little to what we feel.
You may choose to talk to a loved one, or a professional. You may expresss yourself in writing, or through art, or music. You may find physical ways to express what is happening, like dance. It doesn't really matter what you choose, you will know what fits for you, what matters is that we each have ongoing ways to touch base with ourselves and listen in to what seems to be important to hear.
If you would benefit from talking to someone uninvolved in your life, then perhaps psychotherapy is part of what will help you. Feel free to get in touch and find an expressive space for your experience to be shared.