Are you sick of how people treat you?

by Fe Robinson

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Relationships can be testing. While they can bring us the pleasure and contentment of being known, understood and cherished, they can also bring the pain of feeling ignored, misunderstood or undervalued. 

We each have patterns of relating with other people, initially developed as we grow up, that continue on through adult life unless and until we become aware of them and work to make changes.

These patterns mean that we may unconsously be drawn to relationships that repeat the same patterns, as if we are giving ourselves the opportunity again and again to learn and grow. When we do begin to change the people who are drawn to us and we are drawn to begin to change, and the patterns shallow, lessen, and in time resolve.

Commonly, when we are in pain in relationships we blame the other, and wish for them to change. You might get angry or frustrated about the way you are being treated. You might feel it is inexplicable, and unjust.

Unfortunately, expecting other people to change and becoming angry when they do not is not a path to contentment and happiness. The only person yiu can change is you, hard as that is. You can not expect people, or the world in general to change to fit your preferences and needs. 

The path to change lies with accepting others as they are.  Yes, of course, you can reflect on how you are in relationship and see how others evolve as you do, and yes, this might be all that is needed.  

If patterns continue to repeat though, then accepting that change is not happening and making decisions on the basis of what is, not what you wish was, is likely to lead to better mental health.  If you can begin to acknowledge your reaction to the relational pattern, to choose your response, and to make decisions based on what is good to do rather than what you or others expect, then ensuring change may follow.

If you would like to explore the patterns in your relationships, or to find peace with yourself and others, then get in touch.

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